You always remember those special moments in your life. First day of school, first tooth you lost, graduating highschool, the moment you knew you were in love, graduating college, your wedding day, being hired at your first "real" job, and buying a house. Maybe you relate to all, maybe you relate to some, and maybe you have many others you could share. Milestones like these cancel out the bad memories, and they bring joy to your day-to-day. None of the above memories, however, prepare you for the moment when that little stick reads to you that beautiful word, "pregnant."
If you've read my dreams post, you know my desire to be a mommy. It's an ache that's lived inside of me for as long as I can remember. I've walked along some of my amazing friend's pregnancies and held their beautiful babies. I loved every moment and everything I've learned from them. But now, it's my turn. It was an early, unexpected, wonderful surprise. And it's my turn.
I always thought the day that I found out would be magical. I thought being pregnant would be complete bliss. I promised myself prior that I would continually be grateful in between each sick spell. It's been different than that. It's been the scariest and most wonderful thing I have ever experienced. I have had a couple scary moments where I have had to trust more than I have ever had to for anything. It may be the worrier in me, but it may be too close to home with everyone that I know that has lost a precious soul for whatever reason- and it's part of reality. I told someone "I can't wait until this stage of worrying is over, so I can start a whole other kind when my child is born". I wouldn't let my excitement pver this pregnancy consume me too much. Now that I have made it to my second semester, I feel a new sense of relief, with a smaller side of worry. It's like a new chapter in this new book I've been chosen to write. But it's hard to make it through to the next time I get to hear that little heart beat.
To get me by, I always try to remember to embrace my stomach, close my eyes, and whisper a prayer "
Thank You for this amazing gift". I don't ever want to take this blessing for granted.
I always thought I would cry when I saw my first ultrasound, or heard the heartbeat for the first time. I didn't. I laid there smiling. With a giddy, goofy smile. It's so surreal. "Is that
really inside of me?" Or the excitement of my midwife when she used a doppler to hear the heartbeat for the first time at 9 weeks. "Oh! Do you hear that? That's your baby's heartbeat! Normally we can't hear it this way this early..." Now that was a life-altering moment.
Now finally, pictures. This is from my "viability" ultrasound. Scary! But a sweet outcome.
Words can't fathom my excitement or my feelings.
{S}
