Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Dear Future You...

I wish I could say that I wrote this; no better words. I'm that cheesy single female who prays for my future husband. 

This letter levels me out... keeps me grounded and in check with  guarding my heart. I thought I would share this beautiful letter with the rest of you. 
dear future you,

    i know that these words don’t bring you to life. you are very much alive. these words don’t make you anything new. you are very much made. created and formed; beautifully thought out.

    every blink, every bone, every mistake.

    because you are very much you, and you are somewhere out there, i think of you often. and don’t worry- i don’t think of you in ways that build you up into perfection. you’ll never fit inside of a list. in fact, the sum of your flaws and your scars- the times you lost yourself, lost your love, the bitter questions and the ugly realizations- these make you more of a man than any false expectations women dream of.

    you are real, and when i find you i will love you at your very least.

    i think of you most in the details. the small, passing moments that i know deep down were created with space for you. the silence in the elevator. the passenger seat. the one missing quarter i needed for the meter. yesterday morning’s extra free latte. the curves of my sleep patterns and the folds of my hands.

    these moments miss you as much as i do.

    i don’t know what you’ll be, but i love who you are. i hope from the day you meet me i can convince you of that. i hope you will know regardless of how you change, i am in love with all of the in-betweens and transitions, all of the better and worst, because i am in love with your core.

    i hope i can do a good enough job of giving you the respect you need. i hope when your character is questioned, your faith is small, and your strength is not what you pretend it to be, that the thought of my admiration for everything you are is your backbone.

    i want you to understand when you meet me that i have been torn apart. in the search for you, i have made just as many mistakes. at my own allowance my heart is not as pretty as it started out- but i am making renovations. the love of god, and the thought of you, is healing me. i have been slowly stitching the pieces together, and learning how to guard what is left. i am fully aware that this won’t make our love easy, but its just as true that easy doesn’t make love.

    god has been showing me what love actually looks like.

    when i look at him, i see how massive his heart is- and in turn, how small my love is. i’m so thankful i have fallen for him before i found you, because he is making my love grow large. he’s also shown me that hurting is healing, and something can hurt and be good all at the same time.

    and i promise when we have each other, my love will be so big it will hurt us both.

    there’s no one like you.

    every laugh, every cell, every eyelash, every vein.

    i’m here waiting, and i love you without even knowing you.



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