Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer

Just kidding.

My mom came to visit this week. She is Hudson's grandma- thus the title. And some lame humor.

We always have fun together- whether we are shopping, eating, or sitting in front of the tv. This visit was special since we were following up with some old Christmas traditions.

We love the same movies- It's A Wonderful Life (Which we have in color!), Miracle on 34th Street. The Santa Clause, The Night They saved Christmas... etc. It's the same ones every year and they never get old. I could watch them repeatedly over the course of the month.

We started out our day with my new favorite Christmas Nutmeg Pancakes, I ran off to get my hair done (6 months worth of regrowth) while my mom watched Hudson, and we spent the evening relaxing. Because of this Christmas Ritual, I found a couple new amazing addicitions.

Stash White Christmas White Tea

It truely is a cup of joy...

Guarenteed to eat the whole bag. Sweet salty awesomeness. Yes, awesomeness.

Thank you Coborns natural department! I am forever addicted and 5 lbs heavier. yum.

I love traditions and will keep them coming!

{S}

Christmas Nutmeg Pancakes

I found a recipe for Nutmeg Pancakes two years ago. It was in a magazine. One of those with pictures of snow on the outside of a cabin, woolen socks on crossed feet in front of a warm fire, a cup of something delicious and hot in someone's hand. When I saw this recipe, I thought "yeah this has to be good".

Two years ago I didn't have a kitchen. Last year I was pregnant and couldn't have a lot of nutmeg. This year was the year.

These are the best pancakes I have ever had. I say this with confidence. I tweaked this recipe slightly to make it a little more seasonal. Fluffy and fabulous, my mom and I devoured these delectable hot cakes.

Garnished with some pecans.

Note: Syrup in picture is natural maple syrup. The syrup in the recipe is a lot more watery a looks different, but the taste is unbelievable.

Christmas Nutmeg Pancakes:

2c all purpose flour
1TBSP baking powder
1 TBSP honey
1 tsp nutmeg
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 large eggs
4 TBSP melted butter
2 c light egg nog

Preheat Griddle to 275. Whisk together dry ingredients. In separate bowl, mix the eggs and the melted butter. Whisk in egg nog. Add dry ingredients to wet mixture. Stir until blended.

Brush griddle with butter. Use 1/3 c to pour batter on the griddle. Garnish with bananas or nuts if desired.

Nutmeg Syrup:

2c water
1c sugar
1 tsp ground nutmeg

Bring all ingredients to a boil until sugar is dissolved. Reduce heat an simmer until mixture is reduced to 1 c (about 8 min). Transfer to a pitcher.
(The consistancy will be different than that of normal syrup.)

Enjoy! These are Christmas morning worthy.

{S}

Snacks

I wanted to have a Christmas snack that was "my thing". Something I would do every year. I love this one since Hudson will be able to help me next year by unwrapping the chocolates. This recipe is only everywhere on the internet- but what is one more time going to hurt?

Add Hugs to pretzels, bake 4-6 minutes at 170 degrees. Immediately put on m&m's. Cool in the fridge for 10 min.

I've been taking my lemon oil everyday- want to prevent any colds from all of this sugar consumption and compromised immune system! 

{S}

Glittered.

I love getting the mail at Christmas time because I LOVE getting Christmas cards! Sign me up for your Christmas list!

I have always had a hard time figuring out a way to display them. I don't want them to just sit around, and long ago were the days you taped them around the doorway.

Shimmer, silver, and gold are all a part of my Christmas decor... so I made these. A mixture of pinterest inspiration and my own flare.

 Waiting for those cards! I used modge podge to stick the glitter on the clothes pins.

{S}

I'll Play My Drum For You.

Do you ever feel insignificant? Do you feel like you're not talented at anything?

I struggle with this. I look at others and their gifts and feel, well, jealous. Artists, musicians, photographers, writers- Their talents make me feel mediocre. I often feel as though I don't excel at anything.

Have you ever heard the song "The Little Drummer Boy? Of course you have. But have you ever listened to it. I couldn't really stand it until I heard a version of it that I am going to share with you. It's now my favorite Christmas song.

I wish I knew the history of it- but I don't. The guy that sings this version is a phenomenal musician. His name is Aaron Gillespie. He's a drummer. I have never heard such passion before. Watch this:



Come, they told me
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
Our newborn King to see
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum

Our finest gifts we bring
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
To lay before the King
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
Rum, pa, pum, pum, rum, pa, pum, pum

So to honor Him
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
When we come

Little Baby
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
I am a poor boy too
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum

I have no gift to bring
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
That's fit to give a King
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
Rum, pa, pum, pum, rum, pa, pum, pum

Shall I play for You
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
On my drum, on my drum

I played my drum for Him
For You honored me

Mary nodded
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
The ox and lamb kept time
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum

I played my drum for Him
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
I played my best for Him
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
Rum, pa, pum, pum, rum, pa, pum, pum

Then He smiled at me
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
Me and my drum

When we come
Me and my drum

then He smiled at me, me and my drum.

Chills. Can't watch this without tearing up.

I give Him the only thing I have to give- a piece of who I am. I may not think of that being fit to give the King.

and He smiled at me.

He's saying I have nothing to offer you but who I am. It's for an audience of One. The only One that matters. What ever you do, do it well- It's how you were created and it's perfect.

Whenever this is a struggle, think of the Little Drummer Boy.

 

Mediocrity isn't even a part of the equation.

{S}

Homemade Rice Milk

Homemade Rice milk. It's great in smoothies, on cereal, and to bake with. It is also a whole lot better for you.

I came across a recipe for rice milk. Very inexpensive, easy, and more fun than buying it! Here is my version, and its so good.

1/2 c brown rice (You can use regular rice as well)
8c water + 1c cold water
1/8 tsp salt
honey to taste (optional)
1/2 tsp cinnamon (optional)
1/2 tsp vanilla (optional)

1. Soak the rice. They recommend 2 hours in cold water

From the IPhone

2. Drain the rice. Put it in a large saucepan with the water and salt. Bring to a boil. Turn down to simmer for 3 hours. Keep the lid on the whole time!

3. After 3 hours, take the pan off the heat. While cooling, add honey, vanilla, and cinnamon. I recommend cinnamon if you are using the rice milk for baking or cereal. For smoothies and other uses, I would omit the cinnamon. Stir the mixture.

4. Once cooled a bit, empty the rice into a blender. Pour enough water to fill the blender to the max fill line. My whole batch didn't all fit in the blender. Blend until all the rice is smooth, about 2 minutes.

5. Combine rice mixture with reserved water. Add the one cup cold water (or more) if you like a thinner consistency. Refrigerate and use within a week!

{s}

Bloopers

I have found that becoming a mom has changed me in many different ways. One of the things I have changed in, is that I am shameless. I am an open book.

Another crazy thing about becoming a mom is all the terrible and funny things that happen to you. I have some mommy bloopers I don't want to forget, and you can either be excited or not that I am willing to share these moments with you. I hope you can laugh a little and relate if you are a mom. Good-bye dignity!

Here are a few of my embarrassing moments.

1.) I was changing Hudson's diaper when he was about a week old. I realized how bad I had to use the bathroom after I had started changing his diaper. I started doing the dance. Legs a-movin. Good thing I had my depends on, there was no way that was being held in. I peed my pants.

2.) I was nursing Hudson one time and again, realized how bad I had to use the restroom. I ran into the bathroom (still nursing) where my husband was brushing his teeth. I had to beg him to help me unbutton my pants. Nursed and went to the bathroom at the same time.

3.) Was at an outlet mall and had to use the rest room. It was dirty. I balanced Hudson with one hand and used the other for everything else. I thought I was super woman.

4.) I was nursing Hudson with a cover on at my grandma's house. She's 100. She asked me, "Can I watch?"

5.) Hudson was in my carrier while I was eating a meal in a cafeteria. I spilled chicken stir-fry all over him.

6.) The moment you knock over 6 oz of pumped milk. On my parents rug. (don't tell them!)

7.) I gave birth on the toilet.

8.) Was walking outside and got in to my cabin. Realized I had sprung a leak and just walked passed a bunch of people.

9.) I look like I have scratches from a cat on my arms and face- but really they are from my son's ever-growing fingernails

10.) One morning I was so tired I poured orange juice on my cereal. I still ate it.

11.) I watched a commercial about the life of a car. There was a 2 second clip of a couple bringing their baby home from the hospital. Hudson and the baby looked similar and had the same pacifier. I cried. My 4 month old was getting "too old".

12.) Wiggly baby + diaper change = poop smear. His feet, legs, hands, and my arms.

I would love if you would share some of your most embarrassing moments of mom-hood with me!

{S}

Bucket List

Another sleepless night... tonight is different than the rest. Tonight I can't stop thinking about how amazing my God is and all the massive plans He has for me. 

"Psalm 37:4- Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"

I'm not afraid to tell you that I have many desires. 

I'm a dreamer. 

Some Big

Some little

Some Amazing

Some Petty

I have DREAMS. 

So... Here comes my Bucket List. 

1. Wake up in Paris/NYC/Berlin/any amazing city! (travel the world)

2. 3/4 sleeve tattoo

3. Be debt-free by 30!

4. Be successful in my craft (chop chop)

 5. To give everything Gods given me until I have nothing left to give.

6. To love/be loved like I've never loved/been loved

7. Make a difference in someone's life. Impact them in a crazy way!

 8. Skydive!

9. Buy a car and move out :)

10. Have a Crazy, intimate, passionate, life-changing Love with my Jesus.

What are your desires?

What are your dreams?

Help me add to mine! 

{L}

Musical Lovin'

Kari Jobe

That is all you need to know.

She isn’t all that new but, new to me.

She has got this beautiful voice and lyrics you can relate to.

Yes, she is a Christian artist but this is GOOD Christian music. (which is hard to find these days… that isn’t worship)

So, take a little listen… If you like her as much as me, you wont be able to shut her off.

{L}

Aveda Graduate!

Who's a licensed hairstylist??

This girl!!

I have FINAlly finished school; got through 1550 hours at school, a written test and boards!! I started at a salon that I feel will be a good fit for me and am already learning a TON! I'm lucky enough to be getting trained by one of the best and surrounded by some very uplifting women!

AAAAAhhhhh!! I can't believe I'm done with school. Life is still a little bit crazy but I wouldn't have it any other way! I'm very excited with what this next year holds!

{L}

The Lactation Diaries

**This post was not meant to help treat or cure any conditions, only to present options of help. Please contact a lactation consultant.

Stubborn. Very stubborn. Sometimes a bad stubborn, but this is a good stubborn. I was too stubborn to not give up.

My son learned how to nurse when he was 6 1/2 weeks old. I had a heck of a time getting to that point- and it didn't stop there.

After my son was born, they had me pumping after every feeding attempt in the NICU. I had a wonderful milk supply. When I went home, I continued pumping and attempting to shield breastfeed my son. I suffered through blocked ducts, two rounds of mastitis, being cracked, bleeding and chapped, lack of sleep, and that was all before 6 1/2 weeks. I thought I was crazy to keep going. I was in tears over the fact that all I wanted to do was nurse my child and it wasn't working out- the thing that was supposed to be "natural" was far from it.

I would only once-in-a-while try to nurse him without the help of a shield. It was a terribly frustrating experience for both he and I. The Saturday before he nursed, I was in tears finding peace in giving up- but I was too stubborn to quit. For some reason, I kept pumping. Then at 6 1/2 weeks, I was visiting my mom in Rochester (this was the following Thursday). It was bed time, and I was nursing with the shield. My mom urged me to try it without. I groaned. I really didn't want to. Lo and behold, my son latched on with ease. It was beautiful. No pain, just tears of joy. All my hard work paid off. But it wasn't over.

We worked with it the next day. Pain like I have never felt. I gave birth naturally and never cried. I cried a lot learning to nurse. Apparently, I am really sensitive.

I also had a lot of problems with milk supply later on. In the beginning I bragged, then after one round of mastitis, it was shot. I used some moringa to bring it up (I'll talk about that later) and it worked like a charm. The second round of mastitis destroyed it. I worked at building it back up for 7 weeks. I had a really hard time supplementing formula. I didn't understand again why this "natural" thing was going to terribly wrong. I finally had what I always wanted, but not enough of it. It's very disheartening to not be able to provide sustenance for your child when that's all you have wanted from the beginning.

With all that said, there was light at the end of the tunnel. For over a week now, I have had no pain and really don't need to supplement. Prayers answered and a dream come true. Please read my tips and advice.

My purpose of this is to encourage and educate from my experience. Please don't give up breastfeeding if you're having problems. Learn from my mistakes. A little is better than none. As a parent, you are willing to sacrifice yourself for your kids, and it can start here. **Sometimes situations are really difficult and for whatever reason, you may not be able to end up breastfeeding or it is just too wearing on you. I understand this, but its worth a shot to try a few things.

If you haven't had any problems breastfeeding- I hate you, keep your story to yourself. Just kidding :) I am happy for you and hope my second time around goes like that.

I believe in being an open book. If you have a question in public or private, please ask away. No question is outrageous, too much information, or silly. 

Here is what I have learned from breastfeeding. Again, please learn from my mistakes if you are just beginning, or use my tips to help you along. There is always a starting point, whether it be day one, or 5 months. Mine just happened to be 6 1/2 weeks.

Stay Calm
Calm mom, calmer baby. Don't stress. It's frustrating and difficult, but it will benefit you both to stay calm. This is by far the most important. Take a deep breathe. Don't be mad at the baby, it's not the baby's fault. You can get through this together!

Pumping is very important in the beginning- both quantity and timing.
In the hospital they had me beginning pumping after each attempted feeding. It helps kick off your milk, and helps to start up a supply you can freeze and use for later. When I got home, I was upset about not being able to nurse. Pumping was a pain. I would pump every feeding, but sometimes go 4-5 hours in-between sessions. I figured it's fine as long as he had some for the next feeding. This was a terrible idea. You need to pump every time your baby eats!! You are setting yourself up for supply problems. You are basically telling your body to make less milk. My body had a terrible time adjusting to the more frequent feedings when he actually started nursing. You also need to pump for at least 15-20 minutes. You can let down even at the end of a session. A trick to help up supply is to pump again between regular times.

A good pump is worth it's weight in gold
I was given a nice pump to borrow in the beginning, which was a total blessing. Problem was, it was 10+ years old. After a while, I was in a lot of pain every time I pumped. A lactation consultant that really helped me hooked it up to a machine that checked its "sucking power". It had to be set on the highest settings to even be effective. There was no way I could handle that, too painful. I had to find a newer version. If you don't want to drop $300+ on a good pump, rent one. Hospital grade pumps are amazing and affordable when rented monthly. Another option is to check with your insurance provider and their coverage. Some insurances will help cover the cost of a pump, or to rent one monthly.

Latch is important
Latch is everything with nursing. It can cause pain if done incorrectly or even lower your supply due to improper stimulation. This is one of the only areas I didn't have trouble with, except I guess that he wouldn't do it at all in the beginning. A lactation consultant can help guide in this.

It's okay to see multiple Lactation Consultants
They are like doctors, they all have different opinions and views. One might have a better fit for you. Consulting multiple will also give you more options for solutions or style. The more you know the better. I had help from about 4 different ones.

Nursing hurts... at first
No one told me this, and if they did, I didn't listen. It may be different for some, but it's pretty terrible! The first few times in the hospital, you will have the pain of your uterus shrinking, and your nipples. It's just dandy. Be sure to take the pain meds they offer for the cramping, it will help with the nipple pain as well. When I was at home, I would take tylenol or ibuprofen an hour before feeding. It made a world of a difference. For some the pain lasts a week, or two weeks. Mine lasted a month. Just remember to bite your lip, it's only temporary and gets better and better.

Nipple cream is a must. 
Lanolin is made from sheep's wool. They say it's safe, but who wants a product like that in their mouth, no less in your newborn's mouth. I was recommended Mother's Love Nipple Cream. Everything in it is organic and it contains calendula flower which they give burn victims- it quickens tissue healing time, which is perfect for nursing when you don't have much of a break to heal. I had a painful crack that wouldn't heal and this did the trick. It does take some time though. It is also a wonderful solution to the dry, chapped feeling. It can be purchased through amazon or whole foods. The little container lasts a long time. I highly, highly recommend this.

Shields aren't the end of the world
I read somewhere that wearing a shield didn't properly stimulate the breast, and therefore the milk supply suffered. I was so devastated that I had to use one. I finally asked a different lactation consultant about it and she said that they are fine. They recreated them so that they are thin enough to stimulate. I hated that they were also so much work. If your child isn't ready to nurse, or just can't make it work, there is no shame in using these. Buy a few of them and keep them in cases in different areas, like your diaper bag or by your rocking chair. I also always carried a travel size of natural dish soap to wash it. They also stick better if they are wet.


A low milk supply can be boosted
Where do I begin.  If you miss a feeding or two, or suffer from Mastitis/blocked ducts, or for whatever reason, you may have a dip in supply. I tried a lot and spent a lot of money on things. The cheapest route is probably fenugreek. These boosts are great, but they are only a part of the puzzle. Diet, liquid intake, and proper emptying are all incredibly important. Here is the top on my list:

1. Zyja Moringa Smartmix - a vitamin supplement that you dissolve in water. The first time I used it, it made a huge difference in 3 days. The second time, I hardly noticed a difference, but I was missing pieces to the puzzle. I ordered a 10 day supply through my lactation consultant and it runs about $30. Well worth it, it is so good for you. It is meant as a daily vitamin supplement for anyone. Not quite sure why it helps milk supply.

2. Milkin Cookies - Tasty deliciousness. This one was my favorite to eat. They are tasty and good for you! I read a lot of great testimonies on this and it is worth a shot. You can order these cookies at www.milkincookies.com

3. Fenugreek - This seemed to work the best for me when I didn't have all of the pieces of the puzzle. I took 3-6 pills a day with food. (Can lower your blood sugar) I believe you can get it just about anywhere. You can get pills or it mixed in a tea.

These were my tries, there are more out there, you will just need to find what works for you.


Dieting really isn't an option
I was really excited about losing my baby weight- and then some. I was eating well and very little. I FINALLY two weeks ago realized this was the piece I was missing to my supply problem. You need to eat a lot of calories to nurse! I have noticed that I am gaining weight back, which is a bummer, but worth it. This was the final piece to my puzzle. After I changed this, I had enough to feed my son. I can't complain about being forced to eat, since food is a favorite of mine. If you really want to lose weight, exercise. If only I had the motivation and the time.

Drink Liquid
The more the merrier. I saw somewhere that 100oz is a good number to aim for in a day. This is a piece to the supply puzzle.


Formula doesn't make you a bad mom
I had some amazing friends encourage me all along the way. When I threatened to quit a couple times, I heard a lot of "It doesn't make you a bad mom" It sure doesn't. Formula is a blessing when you can't make the other work. No matter what, your child is still getting nourishment. I had a hard time letting this go. I really didn't want to use formula.

Working through all of this was the hardest thing I have done. It was also worth it. If you are able, stick with it. You will be thankful you did. Everyone is different too, keep trying everything. I hope you found some encouragement and some ideas from this. I wish I had com across a complication of information like this when I was struggling. If you have any questions, please ask. I left out some of the gory details and would be happy to share in private. Remember, every situation is different, but in my opinion, where there is a will there is a way.

If you have any info, or helpful tips to add, please comment!

{s}

Patterns.

I have a lot going on in life right now. So many changes, and the ones that are coming are good. Really good. It's hard to not always look at the big picture, or to always worry, even though everything is falling perfectly into place.

Right now, I am homeless. My son has lived in a different city every month of his life. It's a crazy season. Don't worry, it was planned.

Hudson is only 3 months old, yet he teaches me so much. In this big worrisome world, he helps me stop. I find myself relearning the simplicity and joy of everyday life. I love watching him explore new things every day.

The bright colored flowers. He talks to them and stares at them for long periods of time.

The sunlight dancing on the wall as it shines through slots on the blinds.

The leaves blowing in the wind. He is discovering the vastness of this awesome creation for the first time.

 I savor our moments together. How my heart couldn't possibly swell anymore when I hug him in my arms.

How I pretend to be irritated when he grips my hair.

Today, Hudson liked my shirt. It was a flower pattern. He loves patterns. He would stare at it and pucker his lips while making cooing sounds.

When I am feeding him, and he looks into my eyes with such expression and talks to me; he grabs my flower patterned shirt because he likes the texture in-between his little fingers and fist.

 He teaches me about these precious moments, to grasp on to them - because they will be gone in a blink. He makes me feel at peace. He makes me feel capable of being a good mom. That I can trust we will be covered in the future. That it's okay we don't have a home right now. To put the big picture on hold. For the first time in my life, I want the clock to stop. I am happy and content in this moment.

No worries, just trust.

That there is always beauty in the details.

 Thank you Hudson for making mommy a better person.

{s}

My Postpartum Journey

The last three weeks have been the hardest I have ever experienced in my life. The most amazing thing to ever happen to me has become the biggest challenge. And not because of my son; I did everything wrong.

When they tell you to rest after your birth, DO IT. They aren't joking and you aren't weak if you take it seriously. I started by running errands as soon as I was discharged. Due to Hudson being a month early, we needed some necessities. The night we came home I made dinner and cleaned. I was on two hours of sleep. Bad idea.

Everything went well and normal the first few days- except that our house is on the market and we had showings. So I had to clean the house and be out with my week old.

We got home on Thursday, and by Tuesday morning I wasn't feeling so well. 2am feeding came and my stomach wasn't feeling so great. The 5am feeding came and I was feeling worse. By 8am I was hugging the toilet and throwing up out of both ends. Food poisoning. I was so weak and thankful that my little angel was sleeping soundly until I was done in the bathroom. I had someone tell me that what ever bad food you ate went into your milk. I just fed him. Hysterical mess. I thought I had just poisoned my baby. Thankfully we called the peds and he was safe.

I was trying to think of anyone that didn't work during the day to help me. My mom had headed back home the day before, and it was my husband's first day back home. Finally, I gave in and asked my husband to come home. When he got there my chills kicked in. I slept until the home care nurse came. I woke in a sweat.

She checked him over- he had gained an ounce in a day! He hadn't gained any weight over the weekend when they checked him on Monday, which was exciting. It was my turn. I had a fever and every excuse in the book as to why I had it. Denied any illness. Lindsay came and helped the rest of the afternoon- Thanks! I just got worse throughout the day and my mom that night drove up from Rochester to be up with Hudson in the night so I could sleep. Godsend. I called the midwife since I had a few questionable symptoms to look out for from my discharge papers. There was talk of a uterine infection and I had to alternate Tylenol and Ibuprofen. I felt all better in the morning to go off to Hudson's circumcision. (Can I not have another boy?! so sad!) I finished the week feeling just fine.

Then the next Tuesday came around. I woke up at 1am with terrible chills. Fever up to 101.3. Thank God for Ibuprofen and everything it helps with. I called the midwife again when it was time to wake up and she had me make an appointment for the next day. I suffered from fever, chills and exhaustion. I went in and had no sign of infection. I had these symptoms continually from Tuesday to Saturday with lots of tears and frustration- and screaming prayers. All I wanted to do was adjust to life with my newborn and only have the normal sleep deprivation. This illness made it so difficult to take care of my baby, but at times couldn't even move. It is so hard to feel so helpless. I know I cried more during that time than I ever have.

I finally stated feeling better and I got a cold sore. Yes, minor, but not even being able to kiss my son was just icing on the cake.

Now for a whole other story. Nursing.

Since they gave him a bottle right away tin the hospital,  and throughout the next day until I could pump enough, it made it next to impossible to have him latch on the real thing. The first time I tried, he latched right away... for a second and then not again. The nurse that was in the NICU was also a lactation consultant and taught me how to properly nurse, but I had to use a shield since he wouldn't work for anything else. At least I was breastfeeding.

I would nurse and pump the entire time in the hospital and my milk supply was wonderful. Abundant! Blessed. Then We came home and I got sick. The first Tuesday I was sick I had two bites of toast and a couple carrots the whole day. I tried to drink water. I hardly pumped and didn't nurse. Thankfully I had a good reserve so Hudson could have bottles. I tried recovering my milk from that for a while. Then the next week when I got sick, I would say my milk went down about 80%. I wasn't even pumping enough at a time for him to be full. I am so thankful I had frozen a lot of what I had pumped.

On top of being so sick, I started having blocked ducts in my left side on Thursday. I tried everything to unclog them and slowly they started to unclog. This past Wednesday I was feeling pretty good from being sick, but woke up with mastitis on my right side with no warning.

I cried more that morning than I ever have. I was so sore I was about to throw in the towel on breastfeeding- not to mention my freezer supply was gone, my nips were raw, and I was barely pumping an ounce and Hudson started eating 3. The idea of formula made me so upset but I felt it was the only option and I was going to throw in the towel. Kyle, being such a great support, tried to set up an appointment with a lactation consultant. She wouldn't see me because of the mastitis. We then called the midwife and I broke down on the phone with her. She wrote me a prescription and immediately got me in touch with another lactation consultant. I told her I was about to give up and she just knew at the bottom of it, I really didn't want to. That day I met with the lactation consultant and she gave me such hope. She reassured me about timing on weaning off the shield and that it was okay that Hudson needed one. That he may be ready in  a month, four months, or be a part of the 5% that just can't. I had thought that a lot of my problems were due to using that shield. She sent me off with some quality "milk-help" vitamins and some great cream. I finally had hope again.

I had cried, no sobbed, that day for 5 hours non-stop. I don't know if I have ever done that before. Call it overtired, call it hormones, I am just glad it is over. I finally feel human now, My illness is gone, my antibiotics are kicking in, my supply is on the mend, and night times are getting easier.

Being a mom is finally everything I had hoped it would be. I can care for my son. It just took 3 and a half weeks. I now feel like "been there, done that" and can easily empathize or sympathize. Being a new mom is hard with everything that is going on in your body. Always remember you are not alone and there is someone out there that has or is going through what your are. Ask questions. Get help. Don't feel embarrassed. Don't give up.

I have some amazing mother friends that have supported, encouraged, gave me hope, prayed for me, and helped me through this time. I couldn't have done it without you- Thank you. It may not seem like much written down, but the hours and days I have in this valley have made it the most difficult time in my life. I am so thankful it's uphill from here and I can handle what comes my way.

{S}

Hudson's Story

Today is my son's due date. He is almost a month old. 

I read this out loud the day before I went into labor with great emotion to my unborn son. I find comfort in it every time I read it.

"Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are Your thoughts God! How vast is the sum of them" Psalm 139:7-17

After giving birth, I thought that was the worst part of my hospital stay. I thought, that was so painful I am not ever doing that again. Nothing prepared me for what came next.

I was holding him after he was born and I wanted to nurse, it was always my intent to nurse within the first hour. I had heard there is a better success rate with nursing and it's of course great for the baby. The nursing staff was busy running around. I kept asking "Can I nurse him now?" I remember asking a few times. I finally got a response and I continued to ask "Can I have help?" As a new mom I had no idea what I was doing. I was confused since I had to talked to my midwife from the beginning about doing this and they said that there would be a lactation consultant available. I had no help.

They took him for his initial vitals and such. He had excellent Apgar results, but his temperature was low and so were his glucose levels. They then preceded to give him formula to help with his glucose. I didn't want him to have formula, but I just wanted him healthy.

They kept him under the heaters while we were still in the delivery room. They wrapped him up in a few layers and a hat, and we were off to the post-delivery room.

I was so exhausted I can't remember every detail of that day. I remember trying to continually nurse him with no luck. I kept mentioning it to the nurse that he wouldn't eat as we transferred rooms and when we were in the new room. He hadn't eaten in probably 5 hours. The nurse came in at that point to check his glucose. Of course it was low- he hadn't eaten. They called lab to come up since his numbers were below 40.

They then tried formula feeding him again. His blood sugar was so low he didn't have the energy to do anything. He wouldn't take it. The nurse said she had to go get a feeding tube. And comes the first heartbreak of being a mom. I watched her shove that feeding tube down his throat while he choked and coughed and then choked and coughed as she injected formula through it. All I wanted to do was cry but I just tried comforting him with my voice. 

I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open, but all I wanted to do was hold him because I knew he was cold. I called my mom and asked her to come back to the hospital and I needed to sleep since I hadn't slept since Saturday night. Kyle was already asleep right next to me. I dozed off.

I woke up and looked around the room. My mom was sitting quiet in the room's rocking chair rocking Hudson. For a moment I felt better. Then the nurse walked in again with a mobile crib.

"Say goodbye we need to take him to the special nursery"

Whoa. Overwhelming emotion for an overtired, scared, new mom. It has taken me a couple weeks to even think about this moment in my life without crying.

My mom stood up with tears and her eyes as she kissed his forehead and walked towards me. I was doing everything I could not to breakdown. I took him in my arms which felt less than a second. Kyle had been sleeping since before the feeding tube and had just woken up. I looked at him and held our son out to him and told him to say goodbye. Then I lost it. Kyle had no idea what was going on. I had no idea that Hudson would be okay. Kyle said goodbye and they took him away. I rolled over and sobbed, blaming them for not feeding him. I fell back to sleep.

I woke up to a room full of family. I felt numb and tried to not let my emotion show. My exhaustion blocks my memory of the rest of the day. They brought in a pump for me. I can't remember if I got to see my son that night or had to wait until the next morning. I think it was the next morning.

I was feeling a little better the next day with some sleep and was so excited to go visit the nursery and see my son. He was in a heating incubator with an IV in his arm wrapped in tape, and machines hooked up all over him. He had scabs all over his little feet from all of the pokes. My son had to be in pain and there was nothing I could do about it.

 My little peanut the first time I saw him in the Nursery. First smile reflex I got to see. I am still amazed at how well he took everything.

I got an opportunity to hold him and feed him. He finally had an appetite. They let us come up every three hours for feeding time. His numbers slowly progressed for the good. I am so thankful for a great nursing staff in there. They made us feel welcome and that our son was in good hands.

Nothing felt better than holding him. It hurt every time we had to put him back down in his crib and leave the nursery. I never wanted to leave him.

They continued to poke him in his feet to check his glucose every time he ate and in-between. He was also borderline jaundice and had to fill a vile of blood every time they checked it. He was such a trooper and would only cry for a second. The tape was so tight around his little arm where his IV was.

He is such an impressive baby. I can't believe how well he did through all his testing. It was a victory moment every time they were able to take another machine off. Everything finally resolved. He was in the NICU from Monday to Thursday and we finally were able to take home a healthy little boy. He was perfect for being 4 weeks early. We are blessed it was only 4 days. There was a lot of very sick babies and that nursery. One being a 3 pound baby of a cancer patient. I loved being able to tell that mom how beautiful her daughter was.

There was a more detail in-between but you have the basics. It would have been nice to have that be the end of the trauma. But stay tuned, I will be posting my postpartum journey.

I am just so thankful for a healthy, strong, little guy. He is so amazing and I can't wait to watch him grow and see his personality come through.
 

{S}

The Birth Story

I love birth stories. Each one so unique. I love every gory detail- the scary and the beautiful. Here is my story.

April Fool's day. Kyle and I are at church and I use the restroom. Spotting. Normally something to worry about- but knowing that it runs in my family to have babies early- I couldn't wipe the silly smile off of my face. I went up to Kyle and told him. "What does that mean?"

"An early sign of labor" Could be a day, could be a week.

We had planned on going to Hudson, Wisconsin that day to take pictures. We had decided on the name Hudson just the week before. We had a strange experience at a local coffee shop- quite funny. We ate, we walked around, and we headed home.

I started having cramps that were irregular. I called my midwife and let her know about my cramping and spotting. She told me to contact her again if my "cramps" became consistent. I got off the phone with her about 8pm and immediately started recording my "cramps". I noticed right away they started out as a cramp, then the top of my stomach tightened, and then it wrapped around my back. 14 minutes apart. I recorded them for an hour and they stayed consistent. I called the midwife again- she was not too convinced I was in labor yet. She told me to get some rest and she would call back later on to check on me. I was to call her if they got close together. I was in my 36th week.

I tried to rest and relax, but excitement took over. about 12:30am we all decided it was time to go to the hospital. I was surprised- I thought contractions would be more painful than they were. We arrived at the hospital and had a difficult time getting in. Doors locked all over and we finally got in by going through the emergency room. They got me settled into my room and checked me. 3cm dilated and it was about 1:30am.

We hung out for a little while, we had some snacks, and waited. Around 3:30am my midwife checked me again and I was still at a 3. She gave me the option of morphine to sleep, or to go home. I asked for the morphine since I was in too much pain to sleep. I think I had that injected about 4am. Kyle and I turned off the lights and tried to sleep. I remember the medicine kicking in and then having a contraction. I was thinking, Why does this still hurt? I thought this was supposed to help with the  pain. Mid-thought my water broke and I immediately had a very strong contraction. "Kyle.. Kyle.. Kyle.. KYLE" I heard a huh? out of his deep slumber and let him know he needed to get the nurse and my water broke. The nurse came in and asked me what happened. "I had a contraction and felt and explosion" She checked to confirm. It was really great sitting in that for the next couple hours. Then the fun began.

My contractions were odd. 3 in a row and a little break. They really started to hurt and I was rethinking the whole natural birth thing. The morphine was in full force. At one point, I was sitting up in the bed with my head spinning and almost fell backwards. My cloudy head made everything blur together. A cloudy head and feeling everything.

I frequented the bathroom with the baby pressing so close on my bladder. After a while I decided it was the most comfortable place for me to be. I couldn't believe how I lost all dignity. Screaming and yelling. I thought I would be the quiet type. Wrong! After groveling for some drugs to help with the pain, I was led back to the bed to be checked for my progress. 8cm. Back for another bathroom trip. I asked for drugs again. My midwife was going over a couple options to take the edge off and checked me again. 10cm, time to push. So much for my water birth. Everything progressed too quickly! I did, however, get the natural birth I wanted.

After phrases like, "I am going to die", "this will be my only child", and "I can't do this, give me something!" I started to push. I had an urge 3 times in a row and had a nice break. I remember feeling frustrated because I didn't feel like anything was moving along. In between pushing I would fall asleep.

I remember the most my conversation with the midwife. Push, push, push, sleep, ask question. My questions included "Do you have kids?" After a no response I said, "Does this scare you?" Got to love drugs that mess with your head.

I finally made progress and pushed the little guy out. Didn't even break a sweat. And oh yea- I gave birth on the toilet. I stood up as he came out and my midwife reached out and grabbed him before I did have an actual water birth. That would have been awful.

I always thought I would cry the moment I saw my child for the first time. I didn't. I just stared at him in shock and awe.

I had him in my arms as I waddled back to the bed. I continued to just stare at him until the umbilical cord was finished pulsating and Kyle cut the cord. I delivered the placenta with ease and got stitched up. Only 8 stitches thankfully!

Hudson Elek Curran
5lb 13oz
Born at 7:05am
(Thankful for a quick labor and delivery!)

I was extremely reluctant to put this picture up- swollen and exhausted on no sleep... but it's our first family photo!

After all of that, my birth story certainly doesn't end there. Be looking for part 2, Hudson's story.

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SJ

I miss my best friend. 

I'm miles and miles away from her and I just want to spend time with her. She is the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for... and then some. 

I'm spending my weekend in Chicago (blog and pictures coming soon) and really wishing she were here. It's her husbands birthday today and I would just like to head to Uptown Diner at midnight with the two of them to celebrate!

I just want my best friend to know how much I miss her. 

I miss you Sara. 

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Avon.

I am an Independent Avon Representative and I would love to serve you with your orders for Avon and Mark.

I have a few options for you to place an order!

You can e-mail me at sara.e.curran@gmail.com
If you prefer to order by phone, please e-mail me first and I will send you my number. I would be happy to provide you with a hard copy of a brochure!

I also have the option of online ordering. You can also have your items directly shipped to your address. Please check out www.youravon.com/saracurran

You can also view an ebrochure for that campaign off of my website, no matter which way you decide to order!

Check back frequently for a spotlight on campaign favorites! 

Campaign 5 favorites:

Gel Eyeliner- Apply with a brush! Long-stay. Comes in metallic shades. 50% off until March 15th

Lipstick inside a gloss! Also 50% off until March 15th. You can't beat $4.99

Mark. maxi dress. Can't even express how much I love this one. On sale for a limited time!

Great animal print sandals. Also 50% off for a limited time!

New Item! Mark. "I'm Hooked" bracelet. Love these!

I am just amazed by the wide selection Avon has to offer. Please feel free to ask me any questions anytime you need! Happy to serve.

Happy Friday!

{S}